She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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