is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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