Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
