Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize