I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
