I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize