Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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