TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
