It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
two words: eviction party
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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