I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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