I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
