so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
