omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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