If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
