Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
