I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
