just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
