got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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