She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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