You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
