Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
try to milk me bitch
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