well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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