Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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