God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize