Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
