Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
