dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
