dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
