I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
