if you like me you must not know who I am
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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