dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
