I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
