Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
