Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
