she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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