can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
