It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
