It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
