Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
