so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
