i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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