i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
