Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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