mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
