I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
