The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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