Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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