if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
