So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize