ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
