well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
