He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
