i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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