yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think people are normalizing furries
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
