ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
