i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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