I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
