Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize