I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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