This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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