i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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