The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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