P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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