In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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