i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
