Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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