See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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