If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
